Honesty hour. I let the ball drop here. My plans, goals, dreams, etc. for this deployment were big. I had a long list of the things that I wanted to accomplish while my husband was gone yet here I am, three months later, and I haven’t done one of those things. I’ve done a lot of thinking about why that is the case, especially when it comes to this blog. I literally have over 10 drafts in my arsenal, written and ready to go, yet I haven’t managed to hit publish yet. Why?
I’m currently wrapping up our California Adventures. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m talking about the few days right before Nick left. I think my problem is that I’m not ready to accept the fact that those adventures are over. I’ve been home now for three months, I definitely understand that I’m not living in California anymore, but I think subconsciously I’m just not ready to announce that to the world yet, as crazy as that sounds. It’s the end of a very important chapter in both of our lives and the start to a brand new one that’s scary and full of unknowns. From this point forward I don’t know where we’ll be living for the next several years, I don’t know what my job will be, I don’t know what church we’ll be going to, I don’t know what Nick’s job is going to be or what it entails, I don’t know how long this deployment will be, I don’t know a lot of things and it’s very scary. I’m a planner. I always have a plan A, B, and usually a C. The military doesn’t really allow for that most of the time, you have to go with the flow. Semper Gumpy, they say (a little Marine Corps humor thrown in there).
So I’m now looking at this blog as a type of therapy, to help me focus on something to get through the deployment, like an outlet. I’m going to force myself to get those blogs up tonight – I think I’m just going to rip it off like a band-aid and get it done all at once and then move on to happier things. I definitely have plans to write about our wedding and explain all the details and give advice for future brides, if you’re interested. I have some drafts written up already to get me started and I hope to get some more done this next week!
So here’s to new beginnings, new goals, new ambitions, and a new mindset. No matter what you’re going through, where you are in life, you are not alone and I hope you never forget that! We can do this together, one way or another.
